TOI November 2022

In love the problem is not who to love, but how to love. Love is an ability, a capacity in our minds which is to be systematically cultivated. Once the faculty of love has developed, we have the total freedom to love, and then any situation is a fertile field for our love to grow.

Man, irrespective of his belief or nationality seeks love all around him. Yet only a rare few seem to discover an apparent satisfaction in personal relationships. No activity in human life is taken up with so much sincerity and elaborate preparation as is man's search for the joy of love, and yet, no enterprise of man fails so consistently, with such regularity, as his quest for love. He helplessly waits to receive love, and yet everyone is always disappointed. We must therefore inquire into the nature and function of love. We must cultivate burning aspiration to experience this joy of fusion in love with everyone around us. Nothing else matters. Any sacrifice for gaining this is no sacrifice at all. Such a devoted intelligent seeker of love can come to know the nature of love and learn the true ways of enduring love.

In a nutshell, the love that leaves us with agitation in our mind is lower, and the love that leaves us with profound peace and joy is higher. Loving material objects and entertaining emotions and thoughts for our own selfish pleasures gives rise to desires and agitation in our mind. Fulfilment of these desires only creates a demand for more, whereas unfulfillment gives rise to sorrow, anger, and a host of related emotional agitation. On the other hand, whenever you love the higher, every action and sacrifice you make towards the object of your love is a prayer, which reduces your egocentric desires and calms the agitation in your mind. When love is directed to a higher object it is called prema, and when it is directed to a lower object it is called sneha. The rishis always repeat that higher love alone can help us overcome our sense of incompleteness and alienation.

Love, when it is true and full, unconditional and joyful, is its own reward. Very few realize this, none dare to live it. Only a few who have grown up a little in their inward vision, and evolved slightly in their spiritual growth, can feel this way and readily discover the heroism to love all creatures, since all are Lord's manifestations. What else can we give to the world but love? Some of us love only if we are loved in return! That is, we will give love in payment for the love received! This is a commercial attitude, a mere shop-keeping mentality. To give only to be able to receive is an expression of our mental weakness. The sun gives and demands nothing, the earth, the moon, the rains, the rivers, the flowers, everywhere in nature, the universal rhythm is to give lovingly and not to demand love from others. To give love is true freedom to demand love is pure slavery.

If you want others to love you, be lovable. But why do you expect others to serve or love you? Booted in love, spurred on with devotion, dressed in sympathy, riding on compassion, armed with understanding, wielding the might of faith, dash on in the world of beings and strive to save and uplift them.

The Author is the Founder of Chinmaya Mission.