Today, loneliness is a familiar occurrence. Being alone is not synonymous with being lonely. Loneliness does not arise from being ‘alone’ with ourselves; it emerges when we crave for recognition, when we hanker for acceptance and feel isolated.

However, careful analysis reveals that we bring loneliness on ourselves because we do not wish others to curtail our desires or prevent us from doing what we want. The first persons we create a distance from is our own family as we don’t want elders, teachers, parents, or in-laws to admonish or correct us. Gradually, we shrink into a smaller unit and separate ourselves from others, even though at a deeper, subconscious level, we long for a sense of community and togetherness.

That is why we love celebrations and parties. Yet, under the misguided dread of rejection, of being disregarded or because of ego tussles, we tend to isolate ourselves. Thus, loneliness slowly and surely creeps in our lives. The recent, popular term ‘social distancing’ is somewhat defective. When we create a ‘social distance’, we create loneliness for ourselves. We become incapable of seeing the larger picture of happiness, goals and successes in our lives.

How do we remove this feeling of loneliness? Prevention is always better than cure. Fear of disappointment, rejection or criticism should not deprive us of the company of others. Everyone is not going to agree with us. We need to be accepting of varying viewpoints.

Life teaches us that people have a lot of expectations. However, Nature is always pleasing as it accepts unconditionally. If you feel lonely, go out into the open, experience Nature, feel the harmony, feel the sense of oneness with the plants, the wind, the birds, the earth under your feet. The mind will become quiet. It will feel loved and protected.

Second, actively contact people. There are many lonely people, especially senior citizens, who are seeking company. There might be rejection because of past experiences, but don’t feel snubbed. Be willing to reach out. Phone people. Lend them a sympathetic ear. You will remove the loneliness of others as well as your own. In the midst of a crowd or surrounded by family, we can still be lonely. Until we do not link our hearts with others, until we are not ready to connect and share, to give and receive – even criticism – we will be besieged by loneliness.

One of our great freedom stalwarts, Lokmanya Tilak, was imprisoned in Mandalay, Burma. He refused to fall prey to loneliness. He had no conducive company, but kept the satsang of noble thoughts, continued to read and write and utilized this time to author the popular book Gita Rahasya. The proceeds from its sale were donated to the movement for Indian Independence.

When we focus on a specific action and work towards a goal that would benefit the community at large, we mentally connect and identify with others. The sense of isolation stops haunting us. If you keep the company of noble thoughts, a lofty vision, forgiveness and acceptance in your heart, loneliness will fizzle away. Learn to let go. Learn to be content and feel a sense of peace and bliss within in which wants and expectations just dissolve.

Then, you are ready to spread joy to others. Be like a flower. Waft ‘fragrance’ to all; share the ‘nectar’ with the world. Do not isolate yourself. Do not shut people out. Loneliness is just a negative mental attitude. Do something for others, make them your own. You will never encounter loneliness!

The author is Global Head, Chinmaya Mission.