Q: How can we learn the ways of enduring love?

A: In love the problem is not who to love, but how to love. Love is an ability, a capacity in our minds which is to be systematically cultivated. Once the faculty of love has developed, we have the total freedom to love, and then any situation is a fertile field for our love to grow.

Man, irrespective of his belief or nationality seeks love all around him. Yet only a rare few seem to discover an apparent satisfaction in personal relationships. No activity in human life is taken up with so much sincerity and elaborate preparation as is man's search for the joy of love, and yet, no enterprise of man fails so consistently, with such regularity, as his quest for love. He helplessly waits to receive love, and yet everyone is always disappointed. We must therefore inquire into the nature and function of love. We must cultivate burning aspiration to experience this joy of fusion in love with everyone around us. Nothing else matters. Any sacrifice for gaining this is no sacrifice at all. Such a devoted intelligent seeker of love can come to know the nature of love and learn the true ways of enduring love.

Q: Please explain the difference between love and devotion. In your commentary on ‘Narada Bhakti Sutra’ you defined devotion to be love towards the higher, and love is love towards the lower. How can we distinguish between the higher and the lower?

A: In a nutshell, the love that leaves us with agitation in our mind is lower, and the love that leaves us with profound peace and joy is higher. Loving material objects and entertaining emotions and thoughts for our own selfish pleasures gives rise to desires and agitation in our mind. Fulfilment of these desires only creates a demand for more, whereas unfulfillment gives rise to sorrow, anger, and a host of related emotional agitation. On the other hand, whenever you love the higher, every action and sacrifice you make towards the object of your love is a prayer, which reduces your egocentric desires and calms the agitation in your mind. The higher love is called prema-bhakti (devotion) and the lower love is known as sneha (affection). In both prema and sneha the emotion of love is the same. However, when love is directed to a higher object it is called prema, and when it is directed to a lower object it is called sneha. The rishis always repeat that higher love alone can help us overcome our sense of incompleteness and alienation.

Love, when it is true and full, unconditional and joyful, is its own reward. Very few realize this, none dare to live it. Only a few who have grown up a little in their inward vision, and evolved slightly in their spiritual growth, can feel this way and readily discover the heroism to love all creatures, since all are Lord's manifestations. What else can we give to the world but love? Some of us love only if we are loved in return! That is, we will give love in payment for the love received! This is a commercial attitude, a mere shop-keeping mentality. To give only to be able to receive is an expression of our mental weakness. The sun gives and demands nothing, the earth, the moon, the rains, the rivers, the flowers, everywhere in nature, the universal rhythm is to give lovingly and not to demand love from others. To give love is true freedom to demand love is pure slavery.

Q: I know I should be giving love, yet I still crave to be loved. How can I get others to love me?

A: The simple answer to your question would be, "If you want others to love you, be lovable."But why do you expect others to serve or love you? Booted in love, spurred on with devotion, dressed in sympathy, riding on compassion, armed with understanding, wielding the might of faith, dash on in the world of beings and strive to save and uplift them. The Lord is ever with you. Your own anxiety and tears are veiling Him from you. He is so near to you that you can't see Him. How can you see His face, when in the thrill of love, He has sunk His face into your own heart? He has now become one with you. Your joys are the joys of His ardent embrace. In case you want to see Him you will have to push Him away from yourself, but your loving hands do not have the strength to do such a crime. In His embrace you live and yet you weep to see Him. Close your eyes and feel His divine unseen hands moving around you. In every heart­beat, in every emotion, in every thought, it is His light alone that plays. You can sigh, weep, laugh, sing, worship, meditate, but you are never away from Him. You are in Him, with Him, at Him, you are He alone.

Reproduced from Embracing Love, the Mananam series, Chinmaya Mission West, 1999.